


Better Than Me

by ardentmuse



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 03:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17737958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ardentmuse/pseuds/ardentmuse





	Better Than Me

“Harry, where have you been! I haven’t heard from you in over a week,” you yelled at your boyfriend as he stood in the doorway of your home. He had the brains to at least look guilty at ignoring you for so long. If this didn’t happen so frequently, you would be worried he wasn’t going to return at all.

You could tell he was biting the inside of his cheek, debating how to respond to your outburst.

“Harry? Are you cheating on me?” you finally whispered, looking at the floor to avoid seeing the stunned confirmation on his face.

But that confirmation didn’t come.

“What?” Harry breathed, shocked, before taking hold of you by the elbows, dropping his head to be eye-level, “Y/N, no. God, no. I would never. It’s you or it’s no one. I promise you this.”

You meet his intense gaze, biting at your lower lip nervously before you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, “Then why do you insist on leaving me?”

Harry sighed and pulled you to his chest. What could he say? He knew he didn’t have permission to give you a real answer. But he also knew the foundation of a healthy relationship was honesty. It was why he had avoided getting involved with you for so long. But you had wore him down with your charm and kindness until he felt like another day without you would have been worse than any torment he might receive for breaking protocol.

“It’s work, love. You know that.”

“That may be true, but there has to be more to it. I love you. You can tell me. I just can’t stand you keeping secrets from me anymore,” you pleaded with him, holding tightly to the lapel of his jacket.

Harry felt a stinging in the back of his eyes. He loved you so profoundly. You were his rock, the solid thing in his life from which he could build everything else. He was a better man because he had the privilege of loving you. He was a better agent because he had you as motivation to return home.

But you deserved so much more than a man who only gave you vague answers, who disappeared for weeks on end, who couldn’t commit to being by your side when you needed him the most.

As the first of his tears began to fall, he said, “I cannot say.”

Those three words broke your heart and he knew it. He felt you tense. He saw you pull away. He heard you try to suck back the tears that were leaving your eyes as well.

“Harry, I love you. I want to make this work, but you are making it so hard,” you said as the tears began to really flow, “We can’t build a relationship on lies.”

“I know,” Harry confirmed, his voice breaking at the sight of you pleading for a thing he just couldn’t give. “You deserve better than this. You deserve better than me.”

He watched as you took a bunch of steadying breaths. He wanted more than anything to pull you to him, to comfort you, but he needed to keep his distance. This was your decision to make and he’d respect it however you played it. He pushed his luck with your patience. You’d been so understanding and accommodating for so long and he had no more excuses.

After what felt like minutes, you finally said, “If that’s what you really think, and you really are determined not to tell me anything else, then maybe it is for the best that we take a break until you’re willing to be honest with me.”

Harry tensed at your words, part of him breaking at the realization that you might want him gone.

“It’s not that I’m not willing, Y/N. It’s just that I can’t,” he said, though he knew it made no difference. Lies were lies.

“Well, if you ever learn that you can, I’ll be here, Harry,” you said with such sadness that Harry actually took a step forward to hold you before realizing that was no longer his place.

And so without ever making it past the foyer, Harry turned and exited your home. From the threshold, he made a point of turning to you. You were leaning heavily against the wall, one hand covering your face as the other clung tightly to your waist, crying with labored breath. The sight was painful enough without the knowledge that he created it.

“I love you, darling. I’ll come back to you,” he whispered before shutting the door behind him. 

Two months had passed since you kicked Harry out of your life. Two months of waiting and hoping he’d show up at your door and explain himself. Two months of hoping for even just a simple text saying he missed you. But you had heard nothing. And for two months, you waited just like you said. And you’d continue to do so because deep in your heart you knew that even if Harry said you didn’t deserve him, you’d never find a man better. It was him or no one, and so for now it was no one.

As you walked down the street, coffee in hand, on the way to your work, you spotted a tall, attractive bald man following you several paces behind. He was well-dressed but oddly rigid in his movement. Former military you thought. And he definitely seemed to be interested in you.

You took an odd collection of turns to see if he’d still follow you, which he did. And so once you arrived at Scotland Yard, you stopped just outside security, feeling safe in confronting the man who’d tailed you here.

But you didn’t have to. He approached you outright.

“Y/N L/N?” he asked.

“Y-yes,” you uttered, not expected him to know your name.

“Y/N L/N, top marks at university followed by a decorated military service, and now an up and coming detective?”

“That would be me,” you said with a chuckle.

His smile turned wide and toothy as he extended a hand, “It’s a pleasure. I’m Hamish Mycroft. Do you think you might have time to talk?”

After an hour in your office and a lot of information later, you had to admit you were intrigued by the man’s offer. Being recruited for an elite group of counter-intelligence agents seemed excited. You might as well see what else he has to say.

But when you met him the next day at the tailor shop, something seemed oddly familiar. Once you were brought inside and shown the gadgets, however, your mind pushed that voice aside. This place was incredible. This stuff was incredible. So much better than anything you’d worked with on the force. And so you agreed to be the recruit of Hamish, or Merlin rather, for whatever this little trial was that they had in store for you. Hell, what else did you have going for you at the moment anyway?

At the manor, you introduced yourself to the other recruits, shaking hands and sharing polite smiles, that is until you met Eggsy.

“I’ve seen you somewhere before, love,” he said as he held your hand much longer than the normal shake.

“I don’t think so,” you said.

“No, love. I’ve definitely seen you. I never forget a beautiful face,” he assured, his smile much too flirtatious for your liking. Even though you and Harry were separated, you still felt spoken for somehow. You wondered how long until that feeling went away and you could just enjoy an attractive man hitting on you.

After a moment, Eggsy dropped your hand like it was made of hot coals.

“You’re Harry’s girl,” he whispered more to himself than you.

“Harry? You know my Harry?”

As if on cue, Merlin entered the room accompanied by a face you had seen every night in your dreams since you reluctantly asked him to leave.

“Harry,” you whispered.

Your voice was enough to pull his gaze from his clipboard, realization reading all over his face before he even found you in the small crowd. When he did find you, you saw his mouth turn into the most beautiful smile you had ever seen, though his eyes conveyed an unmatched sadness.

“Y/N,” he whispered as well, his voice so soft and delicate as though saying the word too loudly might make you disappear.

Without thought, you rushed to him, hurling yourself into his arms as he dropped his clipboard to hold you to him. One of his arms came around to hold your head securely to his shoulder. The other found home around your waist. The movement was with such ease that you’d assume you had done this yesterday.

You heard Merlin usher off the rest of the recruits to begin the tour, sending you and Harry a smile that you both ignored.

“I’ve missed you,” Harry whispered into your hair, the hot tears pouring from his eyes falling down his chin and wetting your head. Harry let go of your head to wipe at his eyes before muttering a quick, “sorry.”

“Harry, It is okay to cry. I’m here for you,” you reassured him, “Was this all what you couldn’t tell me?”

You felt him nod against your head and a hiccup reverberate through his core. He was crying too hard to speak, holding you too tightly to focus on anything else.

After a moment, his breathing slowed, allowing him to speak again, “The day after, I begged Arthur to let me tell you but I was refused. And reprimanded for even asking in the first place. I spent days crying, trying to figure out how to get back to you and not give up all this.”

You reached your hands up to tug at the hair on the back of his neck. Harry groaned at your attentions, turning his head towards you. You swiftly lifted yourself up to kiss him properly on the lips. Harry quickly responded, holding you so tightly to him you thought you might fuse together. His lips were soft but commanding, his movements confident and smooth.

When you pulled away, you felt your pulse racing. You smiled and nestled yourself back into his chest.

“It seems Merlin may have found your solution.”

“You’re his recruit?” he asked.

“Yep.”

“Well, he’s a damn good friend for coming up with this plan. God, why had I never thought of it?”

“Maybe because you love me and wanted to protect me from any danger?” you chuckled.

Harry laughed too, confirming, “I do love you. And I’ll love you forever if you’ll allow me.”

“As long as you can promise me there are no more secrets,” you quipped.

“None,” he confirmed, with a quick kiss, “Except–”

“Harry,” you warned, but he continued before you could finish, “I may be more of a blanket hog than I’ve previously led you to believe.”

You laughed and playfully swatted Harry on the chest, “We’ll get a second set of blankets.”

Harry’s hands rubbed up and down your back as he looked down on you with such awe. His tears were still flowing softly now, but they were tears of joy. The hole in his heart had been so vast since he believed he’d never be able to return to you. But now, having you here, potentially working alongside him, filled that hole so fast that he felt like he had whiplash. He could do nothing but beam down at the beautiful, talented love of his life that had almost gotten away.

“Two sets of blankets? You’re a genius,” Harry said before scooping you up into his arms once more and pulling your lips once again against his own, confirming with his kiss that he’d never again keep you in the dark.


End file.
